Reflections

Truly Blessed

I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out but on Saturday night it hit me.  I now understand why we had to go through 6 1/2 years of infertility, failed IVF attempts and a lot of heartache over the past few years.  God was preparing us for what we are now experiencing!  I couldn't see it then, and I didn't even understand it immediately after the babies were born, but now it is clear as day. And God was amazingly smart about the way he went about it. :)
All my life I have "complained" about not having a real testimony.  I always found it hard to witness to people when I had nothing that exciting in my life to prove that God was real.  I mean, I was pretty much born a Christian, raised in the church, went to private school blah blah blah. Nothing very interesting. But oh my goodness do I have a testimony now!  Let's lay it all out.
Tony and I were married for 9 years before we had Brooks and McKinley.  For 6 1/2 years we desperately tried to become pregnant.  Along the way I developed a passion for helping other women with similar experiences through this difficult time. I led growth groups and friendships were formed because of our struggle. When these babies arrived it was like getting hit in the face with a TON of bricks.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I mean, I've watched numerous friends have babies, and I've even been super involved in many of their lives.  I thought I knew exactly what to expect when it came to having a baby. I remember saying, "I won't mind getting up in the middle of the night with my baby because all day long I'll be able to lounge around the house in my pj's and catch up on the rest that I'll need". HA! I can't even say that without cringing now. After bringing home newborn, preemie twins, and 1 with medical complications I seriously wondered if we had made a mistake. The only thing that kept me going was remembering how badly I wanted these babies, and how hard we tried to have them. Not only were these babies hard on me personally, they were hard on our marriage. I don't know what would have happened if Tony and I hadn't had the 9 year foundation of our marriage. We really understood each other, and loved each other through this. In the 6 1/2 years that we were trying to get pregnant we both switched jobs (I switched my entire career) we bought 3 homes, went on tons of vacations, found a church family and built amazing, amazing, amazing friendships. If we'd had kids when we first started trying I would guess that most of that would never have happened.
And now I have a testimony! Our little McKinley is an absolute miracle! The Dr's didn't think she was going to survive after birth, let alone thrive like she has! Her heart is absolutely unexplainable (unless you believe in miracles of course!) Her interrupted aortic arch and hole in her heart were clear as day on the EKG, less than a month before she was born. That type of heart defect doesn't just fix itself in utero.  But low and behold, it was non existent when she was born. McKinley continues to amaze us each day as she continues to thrive and develop. She's taken us on a roller coaster in her 7 months of life, in and out of the hospital, (did I mention we were there again this past weekend?). But through it all we have managed to stay positive and just "roll with it". And as much as I would like to take credit for that, it's not me! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. It is so true, and I need to give credit where credit is due.
Thank you Lord for this past 9 years of marriage, 6 1/2 years of infertility and 7 month of CRAZINESS! We are SO blessed.  I know we're only at the beginning of this roller coaster, and I can't wait to see what you have in store for us next. :)

Home again Home again

Brooks eating his first solids!

Sorry for the late notice but...we're out of the hospital and home again!  After a surprise 2 1/2 weeks at Children's, McKinley was released on March 9th.  We brought her home with a GJ tube, unable to feed her by mouth and still with symptoms of RSV, but at least we had her home!  The first few days were rough with occasional throwing up still, and still having a difficult time breathing, but little by little she started to feel better.  And for now, we have our happy, vibrant McKinley back!  In a nut shell it was determined that her Gtube was likely placed in the wrong spot, and will need to be replaced.  So in the mean time she still has to be fed by her GJ tube on a slow drip, 20 hours a day. One of the many frustrating things about this experience is that McKinley has decided that she will no longer eat by mouth, not at all.  I'm sure this is a result of not being fed by mouth for over a month. We will be meeting with physical therapists next week that will hopefully help her learn to eat again.  In the mean time, she watches her brother begin to eat solids! That has been quite fun.  Brooks wasn't sure about it at first, but has now decided that he can't get enough. In fact, I've had to google what to do if your child won't stop eating! So far he's had rice cereal, oatmeal, chicken, turkey, squash, sweet potatoes, pears and apples.  I think the pears are his favorite. :)  He has grown into a very sturdy boy that is either insanely happy, or insanely fussy.  He certainly is extreme!
We are finally getting the hang of this parenting thing and even maybe having some fun with it?? We are anxious to get past McKinley's next big surgery which will most likely be on June 1st.  We are praying that she stays healthy until then because if she doesn't the surgery may be postponed.  She has one of the best surgeons and urologists at Children's working on her and since it's an all day surgery, it's very hard to find a day that they both have totally open.  So having the surgery postponed could be a real pain.
So for now, we are home as a family, enjoying each other and watching the kids change by the hour it seems. I have finally had enough down time lately to be able to admire these little miracles that we waited so long for. We are truly so blessed!!